The Holy Land

For months the great Pleasure Excursion to Europe and the Holy Land was chatted about in the newspapers every where in America, and discussed at countless firesides. It was a novelty in the way of Excursions — its like had not been thought of before, and it compelled that interest which attractive novelties always command. It was to be a picnic on a gigantic scale. The participants in it, instead of freighting an ungainly steam ferry-boat with youth and beauty and pies and doughnuts, and paddling up some obscure creek to disembark upon a grassy lawn and wear themselves out with a long summer day's laborious frolicking under the impression that it was fun, were to sail away in a great steamship with flags flying and cannon pealing, and take a royal holiday beyond the broad ocean, in many a strange clime and in many a land renowned in history! They were to sail for months over the breezy Atlantic and the sunny Mediterranean; they were to scamper about the decks by day, filling the ship with shouts and laughter — or read novels and poetry in the shade of the smoke-stacks, or watch for the jelly-fish and the nautilus, over the side, and the shark, the whale, and other strange monsters of the deep; and at night they were to dance in the open air, on the upper deck, in the midst of a ball-room that stretched from horizon to horizon, and was domed by the bending heavens and lighted by no meaner lamps than the stars and the magnificent moon — dance, and promenade, and smoke, and sing, and make love, and search the skies for constellations that never associate with the “Big Dipper” they were so tired of; and they were to see the ships of twenty navies — the customs and costumes of twenty curious peoples — the great cities of half a world — they were to hob-nob with nobility and hold friendly converse with kings and princes, Grand Moguls, and the anointed lords of mighty empires!

For months the great Pleasure Excursion to Europe and the Holy Land was chatted about in the newspapers everywhere in America, and discussed at countless firesides. It was a novelty in the way of excursions. Its like had not been thought of before, and it compelled that interest which attractive novelties always command. It was to be a picnic on a gigantic scale. The people in it were not to load an ungainly steam ferryboat with youth and beauty and pies and doughnuts, and paddle up some obscure creek to land on a grassy lawn. They were not to wear themselves out with a long summer day's laborious frolicking, under the impression that it was fun. Instead, they were to sail away in a great steamship with flags flying and cannon pealing, and take a royal holiday beyond the broad ocean, in many a strange climate and in many a land renowned in history! They were to sail for months over the breezy Atlantic and the sunny Mediterranean. They were to scamper about the decks by day, filling the ship with shouts and laughter. Or they would read novels and poetry in the shade of the smokestacks, or watch over the side for the jellyfish and the nautilus, and the shark, the whale, and other strange monsters of the deep. And at night they were to dance in the open air, on the upper deck, in the midst of a ballroom that stretched from horizon to horizon. It was domed by the bending heavens and lighted by no meaner lamps than the stars and the magnificent moon. There they would dance, and promenade, and smoke, and sing, and make love, and search the skies for constellations that never keep company with the Big Dipper they were so tired of. And they were to see the ships of twenty navies, the customs and costumes of twenty curious peoples, the great cities of half a world. They were to hobnob with nobility and hold friendly talk with kings and princes, Grand Moguls, and the anointed lords of mighty empires!

What was there lacking about that programme, to make it perfectly irresistible? Nothing, that any finite mind could discover. Paris, England, Scotland, Switzerland, Italy — Garibaldi! The Grecian archipelago! Vesuvius! Constantinople! Smyrna! The Holy Land! Egypt and “our friends the Bermudians!” People in Europe desiring to join the Excursion — contagious sickness to be avoided — boating at the expense of the ship — physician on board — the circuit of the globe to be made if the passengers unanimously desired it — the company to be rigidly selected by a pitiless “Committee on Applications” — the vessel to be as rigidly selected by as pitiless a “Committee on Selecting Steamer.” Human nature could not withstand these bewildering temptations. I hurried to the Treasurer's office and deposited my ten per cent. I rejoiced to know that a few vacant state-rooms were still left. I did avoid a critical personal examination into my character, by that bowelless committee, but I referred to all the people of high standing I could think of in the community who would be least likely to know any thing about me.

What was there lacking about that program, to make it perfectly irresistible? Nothing that any finite mind could discover. Paris, England, Scotland, Switzerland, Italy—Garibaldi! The Grecian archipelago! Vesuvius! Constantinople! Smyrna! The Holy Land! Egypt and “our friends the Bermudians!” People in Europe wanting to join the excursion. Contagious sickness to be avoided. Boating at the expense of the ship. Physician on board. The circuit of the globe to be made if the passengers unanimously desired it. The company to be rigidly selected by a pitiless “Committee on Applications.” The vessel to be as rigidly selected by as pitiless a “Committee on Selecting Steamer.” Human nature could not withstand these bewildering temptations. I hurried to the treasurer's office and deposited my 10 percent. I rejoiced to know that a few vacant staterooms were still left. I did avoid a critical personal examination into my character by that heartless committee. But I named as references all the people of high standing I could think of in the community who would be least likely to know anything about me.